Confessions from a Dashboard Hula Girl

Today, after another very long morning of interviewing, we went on a drive to North Shore to check out the ginormous waves. And by we I mean me and the dashboard hula girl. It was my very first time driving around the island all by myself. It was slightly boring because Joe wasn't there to chat with, but I did come up with ways to keep myself entertained. I'm fairly certain dashboard hula girl was pretty amused, as well.

As I was driving on the H-3 over to the other side of O'ahu, I found a good radio station that was playing top 40 type music, which created an amazing platform for me to work on my airband skills. That was all fine and dandy until I had to merge, then I actually had to concentrate on driving. Safely. I had all the windows down, curls flying everywhere, and I was belting out tunes in my finest "I'm a great singer...in the shower" voice, occasionally making up lyrics as I go (who hasn't done that). The sun was shining, no snow in sight - everything was going great - until, I hit traffic.

Luckily, everyone was still moving, just at a slower pace. And then I hear it. "I can feel it, coming in the air tonight. Oh lord. I've been waiting for all my life. Oh lord." Phil freakin' Collins! Hearing this throwback song, I lost all self control and began airbanding. Not just a casual air band. No no. A full on, drum solo like I was in concert with Phil and the rest of Genesis. My first thought was that my excellent drum solo rivaled Mike Tyson's. However, upon sitting in traffic, because I was compelled to beat those non-existent drums for all I was worth, singing at the top of my lungs, there is no competition. I would kick Mike T's airbanding-drum-solo's @ss! And then I realized all my windows were down. Whoops. I'm sure the other drivers sitting alongside me in traffic were wondering to themselves "How a Muppet got a license to drive??" , as I'm fairly certain that my air-banding moment of glory likened me to an out of control Muppet.

Nothing really exciting happened after the bit of traffic. Drove through the Dole fields, down through what look like Christmas tree farms (surely this cannot be what they are), and finally saw the ocean ahead of me. And it was especially awesome because I didn't use GPS or a map! I went with road signs and my gut feeling. I mean, seriously, if I took a wrong turn, where could I end up? Certainly not in Kansas. And I must say, even though I've driven across the States twice now without using GPS, it really still is just as exhilarating knowing that I can get to where I want to go without depending on technology! Sadly, upon arriving in North Shore, all radio stations were lost. Where they went, I don't know. Needless to say, all airbanding was halted, much to my dismay (and dashboard hula girl's dismay, I'm sure).

Sitting on the beach was nice and relaxing, as always. I was watching all the ridiculous people who thought it was a good idea to be frolicking in the ocean with 30+ foot waves. Every time the Lifeguard's voice came bellowing out of the speakers attached to his little lifeguard hut, he sounded a bit more annoyed. Seriously, how many times do people need to be told to stay out of the water if they aren't wearing fins?! Eventually, the inevitable happened and he had to make a rescue. Lifeguard and dumb@ass swimmer made it back, safe and sound.

Why is this relevant to anything? Because as I was watching the swimmers fight the current it made me stop and think. I went to college and obtained a degree. Which, this is what every guidance counselor in the world says you should do. It took me forever, but I persevered and graduated. Somehow along the way, I realized, I stopped pushing myself to be better. I currently spend countless hours searching for random jobs. But here's the kicker - they aren't even jobs I want. I've just been trying to get some easy, dead-end job doing what I've always done because I'm good at it, and it's comfortable.

Then I had an epiphany of sorts. I'll never have the career I want unless I get out of that comfort zone! Genius, right? Wish I could take all the credit for that little nugget, but I can't. Joe and I had this very discussion a few days ago and he questioned my motives. He said (spot on, mind you) to me "you always come up with these great ideas and goals, but you never follow through with them. You need to get over those hurdles and get out of your comfort zone! Stop saying "one day" or "I want to...." and just do it." Damn that Joe for making me realize I was letting the brick wall win all these years.

As I thought more about this conversation, and my little epiphany, I came to wonder if everyone goes through this? Does everyone, at some point or another, question how they've gotten where they are? And, if they aren't happy, do they find the courage to stand up and change? I mean, seriously, WTF have I been doing all these years?! When I heard "you have cancer" I was scared out of my whits. I challenge you to find a scarier assembled set of words! If I had let that fear stop me from fighting, I would probably be the main course at a worm buffet by now! Why, then, have I been gliding through life doing what is easy instead of what I want!? It's pretty freakin' ridiculous, right?

So this is my promise to myself. I conferred this with Dashboard Hula Girl (she agreed) and then came up with a solution. If I blog the things that I AM going to do, then I will be held accountable by everyone who reads this. It's pretty scary, but exciting! Below is my list of goals for 2010. They aren't resolutions to be forgotten in 3 weeks time, but actual goals that I fully intend to cross off my list this year. Want to know what they are? Okay, here goes.

1. Take the time I usually spend reading celebrity gossip and instead read more actual news. (I have even gone so far as to delete all my fav gossip website bookmarks from my toolbar.)

2. Become a bartender. (Why, you ask? Answer: Why not?! Who doesn't like a perfectly mixed drink??)

3. Leave my "career" comfort zone (Sorry Kenny Loggins, it's not the same Highway leading to the Danger Zone), by studying to become a professional wedding planner. Sound cheesey to you? Suck it. It's my dream, not yours. :)

4. Stop letting fear of the unknown make all my decisions. I kicked cancer's ass and I fully intend to kick down every other brick wall with the same determination!

5. Skydive. I have hope that it'll cure me of my fear of heights. (corresponds nicely with 4, doesn't it?)

6. Write more letters by hand and send via USPS. It's surprisingly refreshing receiving an actually letter, not just an email.

7. Wear a bra less often. (Just making sure you're still paying attention. Seriously people - it's not 1974 anymore. Fence in those sweater cows!)

7. Run more. I used to run all the time BC (before cancer), but stopped during treatment. Additionally, I will run, as a way of training for the race I plan to sign up for this year. Details yet to be determined.

8. Run more. No, this is not a mistake. Different reason - I will run more this year because I CAN. I have two perfectly good legs, and live in beautiful Hawaii. If I was still in NH, I would be bitching about the cold, doom & gloom of winter. There is no excuse now that I'm in HI.

9. Lose 10lbs and keep it off. In case you're wondering, this isn't as easy for me as it is for most. Being a 29 year old girl with the hormones of a 50 year old woman does not make for easy weight loss.

10. Love and appreciate every day that I'm blessed with. And I hope on the days when I'm pissy and being a crankasaurus, I remember to stop and do this.

And on that note, below is a quote I found while reading Jodi Picoult's "My Sister's Keeper". It's a perfect way to summarize this entry, and I think Dashboard Hula Girl would agree...

"That the people you love can surprise you every day. That maybe who we are isn't so much about what we do, but rather what we're capable of when we least expect it."