Beanie Baby Bronco

I’m super excited to be writing this post! Not because it’s exceptionally funny or witty, but because it’s the first blog post written in my 30s and because it’s being typed up on my brand-new Carrie Bradshaw-esque Mac computer. I love it! Hopefully, I can channel my inner Carrie Bradshaw and bring you all many, many hilarious blog entries.

If anyone has ever been tailgated, then you’ll appreciate this story (I hope). A few weeks ago, I was driving on the Pali (which runs from Kailua to Honolulu), going towards the city. As I drove past the Kam Highway intersection, I continued on up the highway and came upon the first sharp turn. As I was making my way up the highway, I noticed that there was a white Bronco on my tail. And when I say “on my tail”, I mean it was so close it was like an actual tail on a puppy – close and out of control. Now, I have to admit, I’ve done my fair share of tailgating, but I’m trying to be better. This Bronco, however, took it to the next level.

The Bronco was white, covered in decals and driven by a crazy person. As I looked in my rearview mirror, I noticed the person making obscene hand gestures, which I found annoying. After passing the person in the right lane, I immediately pulled over to let the obnoxious Bronco pass. As the SUV started to pass, I noticed one thing and one thing only…the beanie babies. No, you did not misread that – I said beanie babies. Yes, the tiny stuffed beanie animals.

This huge Bronco (note: it wasn’t quite as big as a redneck fair Broncosaurus) zoomed by me going about 50mph, which, given the turn is mighty fast. The very first thing that crossed my mind upon seeing this large Bronco zooming past was this: “really?!” I could not believe a person driving like such a jerk would have a dashboard covered in beanie babies. Seriously! In fact, I wondered if someone sneaked the bumper sticker onto our vehicle that said, “If you’re going to ride my @ss, pull my hair,” only I didn't get the hair tugging bit. At least that would explain the tailgating from the beanie baby Bronco. Jeez. And to that, I have only one thing to say: only in Hawaii. No self respecting man in Vermont or New Hampshire would drive like a maniac just to pass the car they're tailgating….with a dashboard full of stuffed animals.